In a moment of lucidity

It’s all very well to feel bad about being clingy and dedicate myself anew to wrapping as cling film around the Only One — my Lord Jesus — who wouldn’t be suffocated by my constant streaming of data, metadata and debating manner, but even that readjustment of attitude has its dangers.

In my lingering insecurity, insensitivity and intoxication with myself, the thought of anyone else being a conduit of blessing, true or otherwise, takes some getting used to. In other words, I get possessive over thin air!

Thankfully, this bit of nastiness is quickly counterbalanced by the knowledge that any good I’ve been made capable of doing is pointless, useless and rather embarrassing without love. And ἡ ἀγαπη οὐ ζηλοι — love is not jealous or envious. It “doesn’t want what it doesn’t have”.

True humility, by contrast, is the sign of a person at ease with himself or herself and God. When you know that your own life is securely bound up with Christ in God and that nothing and nobody can rob you of it; when you know that your identity and security lie in God’s grace, not in anything you can do to prove or earn either of them; when you can rest in the assurance that all things in heaven and earth are yours, and you are Christ’s and Christ is God’s (1 Cor 3:21–23); when these things fill your conscious and subconscious mind, what is there to be proud of? Who is there to be jealous of? What is there to be threatened by? What is there to worry about losing, when you cannot lose all this?

From Knowing the Holy Spirit Through the Old Testament by Christopher J. H. Wright (Downers Grove, Illinois: InterVarsity Press, 2006), page 55

I want to walk by the “far better way” laid out in 1 Corinthians 13. I want to fully cooperate with the plans and purposes God has knit together with my being. And I exult in my utter powerlessness to do this, so I can utterly exalt Him alone when He sweeps us up in His perfect strength and carries us through.

In seeing exactly how ugly I am, I catch a glimpse of just how much the love and Spirit of God is making me beautiful.

“Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” (Matthew 14:27 NRSV)


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