Three kinds of fear

Well, this was an unexpectedly fearful day!

First scare, I ran into a solid wall of grim, forbidding darkness at the SAVH DITD lunch organised by TCY. The experience was meant to give you a taste of what it’s like to be visually handicapped, and it was all fine and dandy in theory until we were led into this black box of a room where I felt as though I was swallowed whole into a crushing eternity of despair, so I scooted out of there as soon as I could. It could have been claustrophobia, and I was probably lacking in oxygen after talking up a storm (as usual) before going in. It took air-conditioning, prayer and a lot of handholding to talk me down from the place of panic — thank you, TCY. I then took off my glasses and prayed and prayed and prayed and held more hands (high-five to TCY and SV) and kept my eyes mostly shut for the next hour and more of messy chatting, eating and drinking. Thank God it was not solo. In the end, I didn’t spill any water, but half of my spaghetti was on the table. And I was alive!

(Some advice from our server for the day, the plucky Serene — if you spot someone with the white cane at a bus stop, it would be a big help if you went up, announced yourself, and asked if you could help read the numbers on the arriving buses. This is because the visually handicapped person could be worried about being rejected if he/she asked for help, and so would rather try to flag down each bus and ask if it was the one he/she was waiting for. You can imagine how long it’d take to get anywhere without help. Also, if you offer to lead the person anywhere, don’t even touch the white cane. Instead, offer your elbow to be held and warn aloud of any obstacles/holes ahead.)

Second scare, there were hair-raising lightning strikes in my vicinity all day, so when it was time to walk over to church this evening and it started raining rather ominously, I was scared and prayerful while scrambling across the overhead bridge. Thank you, WKK, for being the stronger, more trusting woman. Thank You, God, for preserving our lives another day for a hitherto-unknown purpose.

(By this time, I knew I was an untrusting wuss.)

Third scare, I was waiting at the bus stop tonight when a lost soul approached me. I put as many coins as I could scoop out into his hand, and instinctively hopped onto the first bus that came along before things could escalate (I’m a scaredy-cat, you know), thinking that I would switch to the correct bus somewhere down the road. Well, I did, but it turned out to be going in the opposite direction of home so I landed in Choa Chu Kang a bit before midnight, and had to wait till the bus was in a less-deserted area before switching sides.

So, what’s all this then? Fear of death? Fear of pain? Fear of the unknown? A day of sudden panic and uncontrollable fear until the ordeal was over or I was reminded of our Father in heaven, before equilibrium returned. I’m scared of so many things and not as trusting in my Lord as I hope to be. Lots of transformation by the Spirit of God needed and still ahead. May you, dear reader, be girded in the week ahead with all the courage that I do not have.


2 thoughts on “Three kinds of fear

  1. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.–Corinthians 12:9

    Hi! This is Sayesha’s husband’s American cousin, living in Mexico and blogging under a pseudonym.. :) Love your Christian reflections ever since I found them. (I received Christ two years ago now…) I put you on my blogroll, hope you don’t mind.

  2. Hi V!!! I know exactly who you are since we spent a good few days in India for Viv’s wedding, la. Congratulations on entering the kingdom of God, sister!!! What amazing grace and wonderful news!! Took a gander at your blog — you write wonderfully well. Looking forward to reading more. I’ll put you on my blogroll too!

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