No, life didn’t stop at Christmas. I’ve just been hiding from doing, only to discover that much of the hiding was done from myself.
I’ve been having such strange dreams. Two or three nights ago, I dreamt I was washing dishes when I decided to take out what I presume was my inner ear and snip away a slice of it with the kitchen scissors, before trying to stuff back into my left ear. I was trying to balance out a missing piece of equal worth in my other ear, I think, in good ol’ dream-logic.
Perhaps you should have stopped reading after all.
I’ve been doing something I find very difficult and ungifted for — playing the piano for worship at church, thankfully just for the youth’s (which is highly stressful anyway) and children’s sessions. I’m really cringeworthy, and am only on the roster because we’re still waiting for fledgling wings to get stronger.
I’ll just have to take whatever lessons I can from this, then: learning how to practise regularly and hard, figuring out accompaniment without the crutch of readymade scores, playing in front of more than one person, working with new people, etc. But honestly, most of all, throwing my trust unto the One we’re suppose to be doing this for.
I know it’s not about how perfectly I can play (I know I can’t); it’s about consciously dedicating these hands, this body as a living sacrifice, in this small, uneventful way. I’m glad I’ve been given the opportunity to do so in such a supportive environment. I must, I simply must remember to be grateful and not give in to the twisted temptations of fear and folly.
If you’re interested in a much better take on what’s it all about, check out this little article.