Quitter in NY

What does it mean to be a quitter?

I was involved with what seemed like an epic of a project once. It exposed me to radically different ways of thinking about and reacting to whatever was thrown in one’s way. And made me realise once and for all how the world and how your world works can be revealingly disparate. I learnt a lot.

Felt that I suffered too, whatever you make of that word. This delicacy of feeling was not helped by people coming in and then dropping the project like a hot potato — they seemed to agree that it was ridiculously tough going, cos the project leaders were “crazy”. There was even an attempted coup by the first team and, finally, a second mass exodus. I was at the tail end of the latter.

Why did I decide to quit, after just about a year of endeavour? I don’t regret the decision. It was because I felt things were out of my hands. No responsibility any more for something for which I could foresee no good end. The thing is, when you actually get down to doing the hard stuff, it doesn’t seem so bad, you know. It’s when you allow yourself perspective that things begin to matter. Argh, “things”, “stuff”, get with the vocabulary!

So, I was a quitter. But, was I a quitter, the derogoratively named kind?

Will I be a derogoratively named quitter if I leave my job without arranging for an immediate fork in the road?

Will I then be a bad ol’ quitter for the rest of my life? These are important questions for me, cos for some reason I don’t want to be a quitter. Perhaps I should first address my eagerness to be thought of well, to be not offensive, to be pandering, to be praised, to be able to not disappoint those I want to care about. Is this important? I appear to have forgotten to think about why I am here in the first place. What should I be doing, what is my purpose? Gotta think! Think it through. Not enough thinking going on, just reacting to whatever’s next. But then the whole thing becomes circular — with perspective, for me at least, comes deadly, boring inertia.

This ramble is brought to you by a midnight screening of Guess Who in New York.

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4 thoughts on “Quitter in NY

  1. Man, that ill-fated thing with those two nutters from Law! I can’t even remember their names now…it’s only in the last couple of months that I recalled being involved in it at all. In fact that bit is a bit of a blur…I remember going for that interview and then after that I really don’t know what happened. I still remember the guy’s face though, the girl only vaguely. I also do remember you telling me all those weird stunts those two would pull on you and the other people working on the thing..oh well, run this one by me when you come back.

    Enid Coleslaw

  2. to quote spamalot… “always look on the bright side of life” even if it was like the metaphorical running away from the french knights. and lose the battle, win the war, you know? (well, not that they ever won the french, but they got the grail… and a convenient bush to boot)

  3. Whether one is a “Quitter” or not, depends not upon others, but upon yourself. So long as you have done whatever you deemed as humanly possible, so long as you have put in as much effort as you possibly could, then a judgement call needs to be made. “Where do you draw the line of pouring in effort, money, time into a bottomless pit?” Someone, somewhere will have to say, “This is it.”

    At the end of the day, one is accountable to oneself (and, of course, God)and so long as you deemed that “enough is enough”, then there is no point in trying to hang on to that ounce of hope that things will take a turn for the better. Let it go and move on.

    At the end of it all, you learnt something. You learned that there are limitations to your ability, you learn that somethings are just beyond your control, and that you have no choice but to let it go. And so be it! Move on! There are so many other things and events in your life for you to be hanged up about this one small pebble among the many many at the beach, and lose the opportunity to admire the picturesque surroundings that you are at.–>

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