In 1903, Dr Henry Luering of the Methodist Church was sent by the Perak government to Foochow to recruit volunteers to come and open up 2,500 acres of virgin land that the government had set aside at Sitiawan. The whole scheme would be financed by an interest-free loan. Dr Luering managed to recruit 500 volunteers; 17 died from cholera en route, 28 deserted the boat at Singapore, but the rest landed at Lumut. Like their Sarawakan counterparts, the new arrivals lost no time in getting to work. Land was cleared; schools, orphanages, clinics and houses were built. A church with 90 full members and 350 probationers was organised. By 1905, over 20,000 trees had been planted and the farmers had over $10,000 worth of live-stock. In subsequent years, hundreds of others came and by the time the settlement celebrated its Jubilee, the original church had multiplied to eight, with another five new ones in the process of being set up.

(From In His Good Time: The Story of the Church in Singapore 1819–2002 3rd Edition by Bobby EK Sng, p. 170)

Tears for (again and always!) the perfect timing, and gratitude for the absolute sovereignty of God beyond our ken and the faith and fortitude of those 500 volunteers.

It’s been said that God has no grandchildren, yes — you don’t become a follower of Christ just by virtue of your parents being so — but to be given a glimpse of how the line of faith zig-zags through history and my ancestors by blood is a precious gift indeed!

(I love how schoolwork transforms to worship.)

Thank You, Father — I think I finally get it, and know a little bit more of Your heart and what Your gift is/will be to me. Please help me remember the lessons learnt, if not the tears of transformation shed — I testify that “the LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18 NRSV). Thank You for enabling me to live out at least a little kernel of the truth of Your agape love and making it a part of my story:

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

(1 Corinthians 13:1–13 The Message)

I choose to love Your way, Lord. Thank You, my Saviour, for blessing BL to be a blessing, and putting her in the chain of blessings with which you’ve been adorning the seasons past and times ahead, as Your Spirit guides and comforts me on this via dolorosa. “All glory to God who is able!”

The Lord gives us his wine when he inebriates us with the sublime teaching of his Scripture.
(Gregory the Great as transmitted by Graham Tomlin)

Getting back to school — the second semester of the first year of a three-year course — gave me such a rush. Singapore Bible College is where I know I should be and taking the Master of Divinity there is what I know I should be doing now (‘now’ being relative — right now I should be doing my Greek homework!). A few weeks on, being in school, even with its rapid build-up of challenges, has already provided many sources of comfort and strength, not the least of which are my schoolmates, and this — a soul-girding sermon by Dr SH (translation by the brilliant LZ not included!), my notes on which I hope will give you a taste of how Scripture expounded well always leads to worship in spirit and in truth:

• Psalm 139
• First part (verses 1–6): tells of God’s omniscience about us — there are no skeletons in our closet He does not know. But He knows the seemingly trivial as well. Why does God bother to know every single detail about us? So far, the implication is that He knows us so well because we’re important to Him. But why are we important to Him? Every area of life is important to God — that is, under His purview — so all areas of life are sacred. There should be no false dichotomy between the sacred and the secular. Everything should be sacred because everything is important to God.
• Second part (verses 7–12): tells of God’s omnipresence — wherever I am, He is there. Because He is our constant companion, we are important to Him. Even though there may be barriers that separate us from those we love, there is no barrier or distance that separates God from us. This is hope, encouragement and comfort no matter how dire, hopeless and desperate things seem! We are compelled to harbour hope in seemingly hopeless situations. In verses 11–12, where darkness typically represents death and evil — it is still no problem for God. His perfect love casts out fear. Still, we do not have the answer to the question of why we are important to God.
• Third part (verses 13–18): Verse 14 is the key verse. It could be translated as “I praise You because I am set apart for awesome things. I praise You because my soul knows it well.” Here lies the answer — God has set us apart for awesome things! There is a sanctified purpose for you and for me. God the creator is very intentional in putting us into existence. These awesome things are not detailed, but it is suggested there are unique things about each one of us — the way we’re wired, our combination of gifts, abilities and opportunities.
• But there are awesome things common to all of us as well. We are set apart to be distinct, to be distinguished. When we look at nature, at the work of His hands, everything and everyone in creation has the potential to bring Him honour and glory. We have a unique role in His creation because we have the potential to bring Him greater glory and honour than anything in creation, even the angels. Thus, should we not live in a very intentional and purposeful way, to fulfil God’s sanctified purpose for us? This is the question to constantly ask and be vigilant about, whether in studies, ministry or the relationships, pastimes and vacations we pursue. We need to discern the best from the good — the best returns for our investment on time. We need to learn to say ‘no’, even to the good, if it is not the best.
• God’s presence is another important factor. But we want something more tangible — we want “God with skin on”. Since God knows everything, He knows this as well. And He does provide. He provides a presence that is tangible through the special people in our lives who care for us, encourage and comfort us, believe in us and give us the encouragement to go on and pursue whatever God wants us to pursue — people who are incarnational. No matter whether they are involved in every single chapter of our lives — the point is that there was someone who believed in you at one point in your life and left their imprint on you.
• [Dr SH illustrated this point with the story of a boy whose teacher didn't think much of him since he looked like a slob and didn't do well in his studies. When the teacher found out this was because his mother had been very ill and subsequently died, she felt terrible for despising him and resolved to be a better teacher, paying more attention to the children in class, and especially to him. The boy eventually made it to college and became a doctor, keeping in touch with her all the way. When he got married, he invited her as the guest of honour as she was the closest thing he had to family after his father, who had been quite distant, had also died. Dr SH said we were perhaps touched by the boy's story but thought it a little far-fetched. The truth was that this was Dr SH's story! He didn't have a happy family background, had failed kindergarten — twice — and after he became a Christian, his pastor was the only one who believed he could go into full-time ministry. Dr SH said he wasn't at SBC for the 'big' bucks or its 'big' reputation — I'd never thought of looking upon such work as ministry! — and that he wanted to tell everyone he knew personally that he believed in them too. This was a powerful moment. A sacred moment. A "God with skin on" moment. For quiet Dr SH to say such words of deep emotional resonance? I'd never thought about the impact of those in my life who'd believed in me, and now I see their influence has been far-reaching indeed. Thank you, all of you; you got me where I am today in my journey thus far.]
• Fourth part (verses 19–24): Verses 21–22 comprise the psalmist’s personal response to being set apart for awesome things. He is seeing things from God’s perspective, such that even God’s enemies, both metaphorical and literal, are his. (Enemies being things that God hates, like sin.) The psalmist’s personal response is total personal consecration — becoming a man of God, faith and personal holiness. A saint is not marked by profession but consecration, and is not a person without faults. Rather, he gives of himself without reservation to God: “Dear God, your will, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. Amen.” As DL Moody put it, a holy life leaves the deepest impression. Lighthouses don’t make noise, they just shine. God doesn’t expect us to make a lot of noise, but to shine in the world as lights that reflect His. We need total consecration — unless we pursue this, everything is a pipe dream. The key to succeeding from God’s perspective is total consecration, and so we need to pray like the psalmist in verses 23–24.

Drink deep from the river of the water of life! Then seek out folks to share it as a gift.

First scare, I ran into a solid wall of grim, forbidding darkness at the SAVH DITD lunch organised by TCY. The experience was meant to give you a taste of what it’s like to be visually handicapped, and it was all fine and dandy in theory until we were led into this black box of a room where I felt as though I was swallowed whole into a crushing eternity of despair, so I scooted out of there as soon as I could. It could have been claustrophobia, and I was probably lacking in oxygen after talking up a storm (as usual) before going in. It took air-conditioning, prayer and a lot of handholding to talk me down from the place of panic — thank you, TCY. I then took off my glasses and prayed and prayed and prayed and held more hands (high-five to TCY and SV) and kept my eyes mostly shut for the next hour and more of messy chatting, eating and drinking. Thank God it was not solo. In the end, I didn’t spill any water, but half of my spaghetti was on the table. And I was alive!

(Some advice from our server for the day, the plucky Serene — if you spot someone with the white cane at a bus stop, it would be a big help if you went up, announced yourself, and asked if you could help read the numbers on the arriving buses. This is because the visually handicapped person could be worried about being rejected if he/she asked for help, and so would rather try to flag down each bus and ask if it was the one he/she was waiting for. You can imagine how long it’d take to get anywhere without help. Also, if you offer to lead the person anywhere, don’t even touch the white cane. Instead, offer your elbow to be held and warn aloud of any obstacles/holes ahead.)

Second scare, there were hair-raising lightning strikes in my vicinity all day, so when it was time to walk over to church this evening and it started raining rather ominously, I was scared and prayerful while scrambling across the overhead bridge. Thank you, WKK, for being the stronger, more trusting woman. Thank You, God, for preserving our lives another day for a hitherto-unknown purpose.

(By this time, I knew I was an untrusting wuss.)

Third scare, I was waiting at the bus stop tonight when a lost soul approached me. I put as many coins as I could scoop out into his hand, and instinctively hopped onto the first bus that came along before things could escalate (I’m a scaredy-cat, you know), thinking that I would switch to the correct bus somewhere down the road. Well, I did, but it turned out to be going in the opposite direction of home so I landed in Choa Chu Kang a bit before midnight, and had to wait till the bus was in a less-deserted area before switching sides.

So, what’s all this then? Fear of death? Fear of pain? Fear of the unknown? A day of sudden panic and uncontrollable fear until the ordeal was over or I was reminded of our Father in heaven, before equilibrium returned. I’m scared of so many things and not as trusting in my Lord as I hope to be. Lots of transformation by the Spirit of God needed and still ahead. May you, dear reader, be girded in the week ahead with all the courage that I do not have.

What a blue! (On the kameez)

86. Band Baaja Baaraat (2010) — I had no idea about this wonderfully “kitschy” movie or its breakaway star, Ranveer Singh (I think his secret is that he’s not the typical poser — he throws himself into the fray with abandon, and it all works out somehow), till (of course) Sayesha enlightened me. Refreshing how it’s not about national emergencies or big ‘hero’ moments, but buddies in business, small-timers in a big city, making their way in the romantic yet cutthroat world of wedding planners. Everything seemed so hunky-dory, though, that I started wondering what sort of believable conflict could possibly arise between two opposite poles that get on like a house on fire.

Ah, it had to be love. Sop sop.

But, the halfway kind — where there’s only one person at the meeting point. Sob sob.

Until the immaturity of the male of the species manifests itself in unthinking cruelty, and the female of the species proceeds to thwack him on the head (not with a slate but) with OK, he doesn’t love her back. So? It’s not all about him. She’ll move on.

Unfortunately, at this point, the resolution is a bit too pat — he realises what a fool he’s been and it’s not too late for him to tell her how ardently he admires and loves her. And he also gets to slip in the accusation that she was too fixated on getting the ‘right’ guy, which was why she would be content to nurse a broken heart rather than straighten him out on his misplaced boundary markers between love and friendship.

Um, but yeah, it was an entertaining, unthreatening, candy-coloured movie — good with pizza and friends (and a baby). (And Ranveer Singh makes his character difficult to disdain — Sayesha tells me the actor is all the more impressive for not having come from some illustrious moviemaking family; the first actor in her recollection since Shah Rukh Khan to make it big without a big name.)

PS. Words in italics link to two of my favourite-ever reads. Kudos for guessing which.

“Without Christ we should not know God … But without Christ we would also not know our brother. The way is blocked by our own ego.” What this means is that even though I may be in physical and even relational proximity to my fellow believer, there is an inward barrier that keeps us apart. I am too worried about my own ego, how I appear to him, what he must think of me and so on to ever really know him or be truly known by him. I keep tripping over my ego. But the picture is completely different when I am with my brother and consciously recognize the presence of Christ.

When I sense a brother’s criticism, contempt or rejection, it does not have to hit me directly. Christ stands between us. He put this relationship together and absorbs my brother’s criticism of me, When I become critical of my brother and find myself filled with accusation and anger, Christ confronts me and reminds me that he is the advocate for my brother. He commands me to pour my anger and accusation not on my brother but on his own head. He absorbs my criticisms of my brother and shields my brother’s criticisms of me. No matter how deserved such criticism of one another may be, they are distorted criticisms if they leave Christ out of the equation.

(From “A Vision for Fellowship: Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s Principles of Christian Community” in Ten Great Ideas from Church History by Mark Shaw)

Inspired by KC (and all my teachers and schoolmates, who are of such calibre and passion that I’d hardly dared to hope to encounter folks like them) to fearlessly die to self — to consider myself dead — and seek pure obedience to our Father’s will, trusting in Him to reveal His heart in ways I understand.

I love You, Lord! Help me truly love my neighbour as myself.